If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
