Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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