just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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