i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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