I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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