I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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