brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I didn't notice because vodka
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
