i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't deserve a penis
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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