I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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