you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize