and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
