When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
