There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Boobs are out for the taking
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
