Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
