I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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