Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
