im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
