I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
