Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
