so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
