sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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