I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
