Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
