I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
