Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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