I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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