the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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