saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
