on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
