WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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