I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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