someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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