I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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