Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
