either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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