Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
