You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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