Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
