saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
