when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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