Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
