I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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