sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
