I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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