let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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