Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The air was thick with penises
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
