Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
two words...techno handjob
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize