it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
