Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need a beard to bite.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
