i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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