My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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