I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
