I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
