I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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