so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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