He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
