Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Girls should come with a carfax report
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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