Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
