what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
