jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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