I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
