I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize