once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
