I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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